Exotic Shamans playing a one-string Diddley Bow made of elements they have found, such as sink drains, flues, and screws, have always been a source of Hollywood horror. However, users with experience in shamanic medicines claim therapeutic effects and warn against scam artists. In his exclusive expertise, Dr. Halfman glances at spirituality, sex, and power.
Since Sumerian civilization, the phenomenon of self-acclaiming shamans seasonally popped up, like magic mushrooms on cow feces. Then, in the 1970s, after the horrors of one particularly exotic one, Charles Manson, Shamans came to be Hollywood’s broken collar bone, and the mainstream dried them out. Since then, science has entered the vacuum, and such exoticism has been in the domain of The Weird. And while the mainstream rating engines focused on fear, racism, and reckoning— the leading sentiment of The Weird became openness of thought and respect to ancient wisdom. The latter is the one to open the hatch.
Traditionally, the shamanic world has been portrayed by the ancient tribes in a very high level of discipline and perfectionism driven by the approval of a grandfather figure and loyal trainees. As a result, the traditional shamans reflect in their Ayahuasca rituals a perfect harmonic timing, disciplined preparation, and heavy responsibility to their participants and their ancestors.
The Weird has taken the old procedure into account with a bit of a twist, or gentrification. Shaman names like “Glitter God” or “Baba Chololo” began to emerge. They remodeled the infamous sect to permaculture. They reformed the “traditional” ceremonies to appeal to a larger crowd. In some extreme cases, the sacred realm became the object of a pop performance, and many t-shirts were sold. But also, this gateway opened the hatch for reckless ayahuasca guides to exploit the hallucination for sex and power.
“When there is no access to knowledge, the curious have no protection against the tyrant.”
Famous Ayahuasca practitioners argue that the public taboo against shamanic rituals suppresses the delicate ears and bullies people with experience in the field from sharing their knowledge. Without access to their knowledge, the realm remains a hack for the exotic shamans to corrupt the essence of this harmless healing environment with unexpected long-term damage. Graham Hancock, a great mentor of Dr. Halfman, was one of the few to publicly express their Ayahuasca experience on their podcasts and books.
Whether exotic shamans were part of an oppressive materialistic reality or a swarm of glitter without the character to become true leaders. Dr. Halfman was primarily happy to return to Costa Rica and investigate the source of the phenomenon.
“Our eyes are the largest corporation on Earth. We can’t even see who’s behind it.”
Polarian Time Travel Card
Puntarenas, Costa Rica.
The story is based loosely on the author’s real-life, even though the real names had not been used.
The Polarian Time Travel method enables Doctor Halfman to enter a Host and hide behind their eyes without direct control over the Host’s movement or speech. Instead, the natural polarization created by the Doctor’s presence inside the Host polarizes their consciousness. As a result, they can suddenly surprise their surroundings with spontaneous charisma, words of wisdom, or plain stupidity.
As it seems, the Host is situated on a white-sheeted bed between two ladies by the pool. He is an approximately 35 years old male with a hairy chest covered with a chain of amber stones, white pants, and a long white robe made of silk. Not so happy with the choice of host, Halfman feels that silence is suitable for this host, and so the Host stays quiet and listens. On his right side, relaxed, tender, and polite, 26 years old Anna. After 9 lonely months of isolation in Canada during the Corona, she came to Costa Rica excited about her first Ayahuasca ceremony. On the other end of the bed, 46 years old full-figured Boston’s Riña, an experienced Ayahuasca practitioner with a heavy smoker breath and a bombastic voice.
“Ayahuasca is strong medicine, Anna. It is hallucinogenic. typically made of Ayahuasca and chacruna, sometimes chaliponga or chagroponga. You must do some research before you do it, girl. Choosing the right shaman and retreat center is a huge part of the treatment. Not doing so can cause you long-term unpredictable damage.”
Anna jerks her head in the way of the pool. Halfman understands that Riña is trying to warn Anna about the ceremony, but Anna is not really listening. Perhaps, in her best life, he imagines, there is only one picture right now. The handsome shaman she saw on a super lovely website and her new friends around him singing. So why the hell, a random lady with a stern face and bombastic voice, question her plans on such a beautiful sunny day. Anna plasters a smile into Halfman eyes, stands up, takes off her robe in a circular motion towards the bed. Halfman wonders if the Host should say something, but she jumps into the pool. The DJ amplifies the trebles, but Riña’s voice is the loudest of all, dull, low, and penetrating.
“You should avoid specific foods and behaviors to have a deeper psycho-spiritual healing experience and avoid unnecessary physical pain. Do not do cocaine and Katamin in conjunction with Ayahuasca. It’s extremely dangerous. You can create permanent damage to your brain.”
The sun reveals the tap on which the Host is sitting. Sweat runs down his forehead while Riña keeps firing like a neurotic hermit howling at cats from the window.
No one in the pool is listening to it anymore.
“No salt, no sugar or hot spices, avoid onions, and meat, avoid sexual stimulants. And don’t drink alcohol for two weeks before you do it!!!”
Her chest rises and falls with rapid breaths. Then, she spanks on her knees to gain the Host’s attention, and all her frustration fades into Halfman’s eyes. Looking into her eyes through the mirror of time, without the present, without the past.
The Host flip through his Ipad and put his finger on a headline, ‘The Five Monkeys Experiment.’ Without saying a word, he shows Riña, and for a full 10 minutes, tiny bits of silence rested on the pool water.
‘A researcher placed five monkeys in a cage with a ladder and bananas on top. Each time a monkey went for the bananas, the other monkeys sprayed with freezing water. After a few times, the researcher closed the hose and noticed every time a monkey tried to go get a banana, the other four attacked him to keep him from doing so. Next, the researcher replaced all the original five monkeys one by one with new ones. Every time, the other four attacked the new one to not let them climb.’
“That’s Because monkeys listen to each other, but we don’t!” Riña shrieks at the Host, splashing saliva on the bed next to his long white scarf. The Host brows clinch. To avoid further escalation. Halfman Logs out.
Two weeks later, the Host, with a long kimono, rides a Toyota 4×4 up a hill to a mushroom party at a villa in Tinmesta, an area in Costa Rica. On his right, astrologer Samu Stars. With his nose stuck in the air coming in through the open passenger window, Stars connects his phone to the car’s Bluetooth and plays Hassata by Yeahman. The song begins with white pearl strings falling like stars. Samu lifts his chest in a deep breath and drops in short breaths with the entry of a clean beat that fills the vehicle. Dr. Halfman spots the moment and places himself behind the Host’s eyes.
Silence Prevails in the empty space before the next song. “Where is Anna?” Riñas hoarse voice rose from the back seat. Samu “Already there, she had the Ayahuasca ceremony last weekend.” Riña sighed “Oh God, and now she is at a mushroom party?!”
Stretched from side to side on the second floor of the villa, a long table on a Persian rug with tarot cards, candles, scents, and teacups. On the table sits a proud orange cat, and behind him are three tongue-twister lizards. One of the three lizards is Snowy Rabat, the mushroom shaman of the party. They seem to speak a different language than English yet manage to keep the American accent.
Halfman, Stars, and Riña enter the scene with great confidence. Stars pass the table and sit between the Lizards. The cat watches him in nausea and runs under the table. Meanwhile, Snowy Rabat crawling slowly to the Host’s feet and carries a whisper between his mutton-chop sideburns. “I have magic fungi tea soaked in hot water for 24 hours; one glass is enough for one person’s trip. So donate as much as you wish, Paypal, Venmo, God bless our medicines.” The host remains silent but manages to whitewash a smile on his face. In calculated steps, Riña approaches beside him. Halfman looks at her and notices that she is carrying a waterfall of words under her lower lip. He moves aside to let the waterfall flow until she can no longer. Then, the delta cracks, and his head flew aside from the echo of her voice.
“Ayahuasca and Mushrooms have many differences and similarities between them. While both generate psychedelic outcomes, they differ in that Ayahuasca is a stew of different substances, while fungus originates from one source. Both medicines consist of an active mean of tryptamine, but Ayahuasca requires snoring nicotine to commend the manifestation.”
The Host jiggles his foot and moves behind, exposing her to Snowy Rabat and the other two lizards. “From my small perspective, psilocybin is the cousin of DMT.” Arja, one of the two lizards, hiss at her with a Mexican accent. The cat, proud of its owner’s knowledge, comes out from under the table and sits on her stomach. Arja extends a hand from the cat’s head to its tail slowly until the cat hits its claws on her hand, and laughter bursts into the room. “Hey, Con Calma Rais !!” Often translated as “boss” in Persian, the cat’s pride sent signals of heroism to the three lizards. Now everything is open. Everyone is equal around the table. Anyone can say what they want. Exactly what Riña wanted. “Before America,” Arja snuffs. “Mushrooms were taken, mainly in my country Mexico, only in traditional ceremonies like Ayahuasca. But, unlike Ayahuasca, mushrooms are grown in many places in the world. Many mix it with alcohol. Or at parties, there is no one universal ceremony, like Ayahuasca. But originally, they are cousins.”
Riña gave her the thumbs up as she spoke, accompanied by sighs of relief as if she heard her own voice coming from another’s throat. Then her loud voice fell on the table like a juicy steak in a vegan house.
“Thank you! Thank you. Finally, someone here makes sense. And of course, you should not mix mushrooms and Ayauhasca without a sufficient buffer time, as your friend Anna is doing tonight! She did Aya a few days ago?!!!”
In an instant, the table fell silent in embarrassment. After all, this is not the place to judge an adult’s decisions. The first to break the blot was Bearded Robert, saving the moment with a Western Texan lingo, and indeed, so it sounds. “Pad kid poured curd pulled cod.” Riña moves her head slowly towards him. “Pad kid poured curd pulled cod. Can you say it 20 times in a row?” Robert barked again. His eyebrows raise, and his index finger pulls forward.”According to MIT, it is the world’s most impossible tongue-twister.” Riña signs and everyone burst into loud laughter. HalfMan logs out.
A month later, on a creek by a waterfall near Uvita. the Host comes out naked from under the waterfall, surrounded by at least ten naked friends swimming, dancing, and chatting. All organs hacking out with no shelter. At some point, the Host finds peace between two pebbles and lays his back. “Be careful on the cobweb string.” Anna raises a finger to a thick cobweb, stretching from the top of the tree to a stone in the creek – an exclusive natural phenomenon and at least a five-minute walk to the average spider.
While the Host examines the phenomenon, Halfman settles behind his eyes, and Anna’s shivering voice comes to his attention. “I haven’t had a great Ayahuasca experience, and the worst part was at the mushroom party. The mushroom tea triggered the Ayahuasca, and for a few hours, I was completely out of it. So I think I can’t do psychedelics for a while.” Halfman notices his host bounce a finger on the thick cobweb as if it is a Diddley Bow. He tries to stop him, but it doesn’t work.
A soft, healing female voice with a British accent softens the air. “Well, unfortunately, you learned it in a hard way, my dear, but this is not your fault. Unfortunately, there is not enough available guidance for conscious experiences. Sometimes, curious people like us take the risk for everyone else. I am so sorry the instructor hasn’t told you the necessary precautions and preparations for experiencing the medicine.”
A hoarse voice of an older female, other than Riña’s, emerges behind the Host’s back with a North American accent.
“The misuse of sacred medicine contaminates the capacity for meaningful living. Instead of purifying and healing our six strings guitar, we reduce the experience to a one-string diddley bow. As a result, our six senses are reduced to one sense – Ego.”
Hearing the hoarse and preachy voice of the old lady and the nature of advice, Halfman wondered if Riña, too, is a polarian time traveler. Meanwhile, on the lakeside, the mischievous host continues to play with the delicate spider web string to the Doctor’s displeasure. Naturally, the Doctor’s feeling can adversely affect the Host, but he could not balance his hostility. Suddenly the spider string is torn, and Anna and the rest of the friends throw their hands into the air in disappointment at the Host’s act. And here, the latter broke his silence. It was the pendulum stopping point the Doctor had so feared.
“There are three main archetype stories in modern history: the Cat, the Lizard, and the GOAT, which means the Greatest Of All Time!”
Everyone stares at the Host’s statement in bewilderment. Halfman wishes for a burst of laughter that does not come. Instead, the Host wraps his arms frantically and stands up to continue Jesusing theatrically with his member fluttering in all directions. The Doctor tries but fails to log out because he knows what’s at play. Like the last fake shaman, like a poisoned medicine, he took the poor soul off balance with his hostility and self-thought.
“In practice, Cats are resists, Lizards Masonic-religious, and GOATs are supernatural. Because when someone is the GOAT, it means they have no more enemies. They have their own shelf in the library. It takes centuries to see their greatness.”
His hand extends to the stunned bathers while his eyes are closed. He rocks back and forth, but his voice remains clear.
“I see the rise of shamans, billionaires, and superheroes as a sign announcing the beginning of a new era!
I see glorious leaders!
I see supernatural phenomenons!”
Finally, Halfman logs out while his poor host’s last words fade in the white haze.
“Are you ready? Are you prepared??
To the Age of the GOATs!!!
To the Age of Glor…”